Darling Thoughts
by RedRosey18
Summary: i always thought that i was worthless, that i was nothing. i mean how could i not believe when i was told that every single day. Then i met a man and everything changed. - OOC Shuchi
1. Prolog

Maybe it was love and maybe it was hate that brought me to this point; then again it was probably a little bit of both. Regardless it didn't make much of a difference.

I can still member the day that everything came crumbling down. The day that everything that was so white suddenly became black, the day that changed my life forever.

Really that didn't matter either, nothing mattered and it wasn't like anyone wanted to hear my story. No, it was more like no one cared enough to try and find out.

It didn't matter to them and if I really stopped to think about it, why should it?

I sometimes wonder if I'm waiting for that person that will care enough, that will crash down my walls. That will love me for me and no one else. Why will stick by my side, to take away the pain but more than anything to just sit with me when I'm down and hold my hand.

Or maybe I'm just waiting for it all to end


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The vibrating of my phone woke me from my sleep and I quickly got up; trying to make as little noise as possible. It was early and I didn't even want to think of what would happen if I woke father up.

It was the start of high school for me and I was happy to, after a long summer at home, be getting out of the house.

After getting ready I quickly and quietly made my way down stairs. All my stuff was waiting for my by the front door as I had prepared everything last night. After putting on my shoes and grabbing my bag, I made my way to school.

I would be quite a bit early but at this point I really just wanted to be out in the fresh air. It was a long walk to the train but was refreshing. As I walked I finished getting dressed, meaning that I still had to put on the tie.

I wasn't a big fan of uniforms but that was what this school required. The blue tie was annoying to tie and the tan colored blazer was itchy. The pants weren't much better but I wanted to go to this school as it was supposedly 'more' refined.

Wither that was true or not was still to be seen.

It was about a 20 minute ride to the town and then another 10 minute walk to the school entrance. When my stop finally came I got off and started the walk. My stomach growled telling me how long it had been since I'd eaten and reminding me that I didn't have any money for lunch.

The weather wasn't very good, and hadn't been very good for a couple weeks. It kept raining on and off, it would be good for the ground in the long run but at the moment everything was covered in water.

The air was freezing and it made me shiver as the wind chilled me to the bone. I couldn't wait tell school started so I could go inside. For now I would just have to wait next to the building.

After making myself as comfortable as possible leaning on the wall, I checked my watch. I had another 10 minutes before I could expect anyone to be here.

Sighing in boredom, I pulled out my iPod and head phones. It was hard to find something I wanted to listen to and after a moment I decided on three days grace.

The wall was uncomfortable and made me hurt more but the music soothed both my mind and body. I was starting to really get into it, head banging and everything. I could always get into my music. It didn't matter were I was or what had happened with father the night before; music was my everything.

At one point in time I had wanted to be a singer but that was now just a distant memory.

I pulled out my iPod again to change the song and someone else hand came forward and knocked it to the ground. Head phones were harshly pulled from my ears and I nearly cringed at the sound of them hitting the ground.

My iPod bounced once and then fell to the ground; landing in a puddle of water. I just stood there, staring at it. It was too early in the year to be bullied and that shocked me more than the fact that my iPod was now sinking in water.

I slowly raised my eyes to take in the retard that picked a fight with me. I really was in no mood to 'play' nice as Hiro, my best friend, had put it. The dude was wearing vans and my eyes followed those to ripped jeans and then to an annoying 'cool' green shirt.

His face made me want to puke more than anything and I had to do my best to keep the revolt off my face. Piercing coved his face and though, normally I thought it was hot, on this guy it wasn't. Brown eyes stared at me under greasy brown hair.

Not attractive in the least. I thought about telling him this but decided against it, though I could help him it probably would make him madder. Looking at him closer I changed my mind again; there was no way in the seven rings of hell could anything make this guy hot.

I was suddenly pushed back into the wall. It stung like hell and I had to force myself to not groan in pain as I felt the wounds on the back reopen. It was also in that moment I realized they were speaking to me.

Probably saying something nasty to me but I wasn't listening. Finally I snapped out of it with and the boys venomous voice reached me.

"The poor baby, I hope your iPods not ruined" He said leaning in closer to me, too close.

His foul breath reached me and I had an urge to dig into the rock wall behind me to get away. Absolutely disgusting and at that moment, even though it was ridicules I would rather have been with father then this sleaze bag.

"Aw, is he going to get mad?" The sleazebag spoke and the two equally disgusting guys behind him started chuckling.

I had half the mind to hit him but I knew that wouldn't be good for my 'image.' I wasn't the bad guy nor would I ever be part of that crowd. In fact I was the near opposite.

I knew that this guy was looking for me to hit him or yell or cry. Doing something degrading and embarrassing to myself but I wouldn't ever.

I couldn't hit this idiot and I really couldn't be my snarky self, least it get around that I out did someone in the 'gangster' crowd. I just stared at this guy for a moment and he stared back waiting for some sort of response.

"Aw, thanks, that iPod was getting old and I was just thinking that I really should upgrade." I said with my signature dazzling smile.

I knew my smile had done it job the moment the guy nearly stepped back from surprise and they all blinked several times severally confused. Now where did all that tough guy talk go? They opened there mouth as if to say some lame comeback when a chilling voice echoed through the air; cutting them off.

"Taki, it's time to go" called the voice

The voice alone sent shiver's up my spine, making me shake all over but not from fear, from pleasure. It was so cold, so chilling, so perfect.

I searched from the owner and when I found him my heart nearly stopped. Wearing tight jeans and a leather jacket sitting on top of a motorcycle smirking was a golden haired god.

It only took a moment, a moment to long if you ask me, to regain control of my feelings but I was sure that he saw my initial reaction to him. I wasn't that close to him but even from a far he had a presents to him that nearly screamed sexy.

The disgusting guys that were trying to pick on me walked over to him and I felt my heart sink a little. Bending down to pick up my now wet iPod and head phones, I sincerely hoped that neither where ruined. Thankfully, after a moment of checking, the iPod was working properly but the head phones where soaked through and weren't.

I looked up to where motorcycle guy was a moment ago to see no one there. It was a real shame that he was with the 'bad' kid crowd as I wouldn't have minded getting closer to him. Either way I'm sure he has as much reason of being in that crowd as I do being with the popular kids.

It was probably for the best that he was in that crowd anyway; it meant that he was so far off my radar it would be good to forget he even went to the same school. It didn't matter now, just a passing incident that wouldn't happen again and should be forgot with the upmost speed.

After throwing away the speakers, I leaned against the same wall as before. Now without my music it was a boring wait for school to start. To calm myself I hummed my favorite songs. By the fifth song people started to show up at the entrance to the school.

I didn't move even though more and more people where coming in, that was until I saw my best friend. The moment I knew he was close enough to see me I started to jump up and down, waving my hands in the air like a crazy person. He saw me and started to make his way to me.

_Showtime _

I shook that thought out of my head and smiled my dazzler at Hiro when he finally reached me; easily slipping into the school me. It was effortless like slipping on a pair of gloves. After years of doing it, it shouldn't have been a surprise at how easy but somehow it scared me a little.

"Hello, anyone in there?" A hand waved in front of my face, jolting me out o my thoughts.

"Oh, yea, sorry Hiro."

Damn, first day and I'm already spacing out.

Hiro just smiled at me and I smiled back, he started are way to the office to get our schedules for the year and what not. We compared them to each other and saw that we only had one class together

My middle school was a scholar school so a lot of them had ended up trying for this school and getting in, so nearly every one we passed had to stop me and say hi. I needed to keep moving so I just smiled and waved.

It was refreshing and relaxing to be back into something I was so use to. Everything was okay here and I was in control; that alone was enough to make me relax. Here was the only place in my life that I felt like I knew everything; I was popular, I had top grades, I had friends. Here no one could touch me.

Someone laid their hand on my shoulder and I had to fight the urge to throw the hand off me. I despised human contact of any form, but it wasn't like anyone knew that so I couldn't blame or get mad at anyone because they touched me. I turned around and smiled at the guy who had his hand on me.

"Hey, you're Shindo Shuichi. I heard that you got a 100% on the entrance exam. Is that true?" The stranger asked

The people around us erupted into whispers as they over heard the boy. I knew this would come out at some point but I hadn't expected it to be this early. The entrance exam for this school was suppose to be very challenging, most people that tried failed or almost failed. It just wasn't heard of for someone to get 100%.

I being someone that had no life outside of school and always studied in my free time, passed with ease. I hadn't really meant to get 100 but when I got the score back I couldn't have been happier. I knew I could use it to get even more popularity points with the new people I would be meeting.

"Yes, that test was hard and I studied like crazy for it. I couldn't believe it either when I got the score back" I nearly sang while giving this guy my famous smile

Really it was scary how well my smile worked on both guys and girls. The guy dropped his hand and stepped back a couple spaces turning as red as a beach sunburn.

Looking over the boy again I saw that he was in fact a cute kid though not my type. I hated to admit it but I went for the more bad boy type. Leather jackets, tattoos, piercings, motorcycle just sent chills running up my spine.

Even more whispers erupted around us as I confirmed what the boy said. The boy said something else but I didn't hear it as I was mobbed but a group of girls. The voice all buzzed into one as question were thrown out and kyaa* were screamed.

It was a mess and though I don't mind being liked this was a little bit much for me. Thankfully Hiro was with me and was able to pull me out of that mess and towards our classrooms.

We had to part ways at one point to go to our own homerooms but that was okay because I knew I would see him later. Once in the classroom I was immediately board.

The teacher was a woman with brown hair that was more interested in eating breakfast then teaching the class, not that there was much to teach in home room. It was a class mostly dedicated to the planning of the day but the students usually used it as time to do homework or talk to friends.

As I didn't have any friends in this class and there was no homework to do, I knew it was going to be a long class period.

I couldn't help but think about the mob this morning. Nothing like that had happened to me before so it threw me off a bit.

Though I supposed it was natural to want people at your feet, giving you attention and singing your praise it wasn't something I really wanted. I was more the quiet type, private type. I didn't need a gaggle of girls always surrounding me.

To be honest this whole 'popular' ruse was a protection to myself. It was something I would only ever say in my mind, I created this persona to enclose myself; so that no one would be able to see the true me.

Because who would ever guess that popular, ever smart, fun-loving Shindou Shuichi was really crying inside every time he smiled?


End file.
